They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
