Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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