Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
