just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
