Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
