He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
