I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
