i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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