sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
