You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
