I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
