I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
