I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
