12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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