so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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