I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
