I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
