I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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