I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
