I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
