Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
