I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
