McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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