I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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