I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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