it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
