Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
