just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
