What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
