I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
