Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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