So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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