Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
