Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
