i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
