My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
