The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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