I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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