Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
