Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
