pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
