all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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