Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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