A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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