OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
