she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
