I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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