Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
