pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
