Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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