fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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