We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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