Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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