the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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