I like my sex mixed with concussions.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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