I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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