When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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