We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
