There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
