I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
