i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
sex in a hospital.. check
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
