Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
