I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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