One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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