I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
