I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
