Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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