how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
